Turning 20

So, its happy birthday me and finally, I am 20.

I know I should be all Oh-I-am-20-and-the-world-is-my-playground and all...but I am actually oddly not all that pleased. It feels like someone is forcing me to grow up and be 20. Maybe its cuz subconsciously I am forcing myself into thinking that I should "change for the better" after 20. I mean, I kept imagining a confident, polished, stiletto wearing lady when i thought of 20 year-old Shyama..... And the actual 20 year old Shyama is not anything like that (she trips over her own feet and almost got hit by a door minutes after she turned 20) 

But whatever it is, at 10 last night, i was clutching on to my teddy bear and telling Mom that i dont wanna turn 20.

It feels like with 20 comes great responsibility. I had such fun teen years and now I am tumbling into the 'tys' without actually meaning to go there!. I feel like I am losing the right to be stupid, silly, childish. And whats life without that!?!!??! I cant just, on one fine morning, start believing that my teddy bears dont have life, or argue intellectually instead of just saying "poda/di naaye" or "get lost", or stop saying "same pinch no back pinch" when there is an obvious similarity or get used to Mom calling me "Shyama" instead of the ciyoot ciyoot things she usually calls me.

But I guess 20 has its own perks. Like being able to say "I am 20. I can take care of myself" whenever and wherever!!